The Way Derrick Was

"Please, Sarah. I’m begging you. If you don’t like it there, I promise I’ll take you home, but will you please just come with me?"

"Let me think for a second… No! Haley, I told you. I don’t know Derrick! I’m not going to his house just to keep you company! Why can’t you just go by yourself? He’s your friend, isn’t he?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Then stop bothering me! You’re making me miss The Simpsons! Go!"

Sarah hung up.

She was right of course. Derrick was Haley’s friend. Had been for over a year. But he’d always seemed like more of a "group friend." He was the type who could adapt to any situation and be totally comfortable. Even if he really didn’t like the people he was with, he just went with it. He was playful, affectionate, funny… Haley would’ve killed for his self-confidence. She tended to melt into the background while she watched people have fun. Unless she knew them really well. And… she didn’t know Derrick all that well, she supposed; they had never hung out just the two of them. That was why she was scared to go over there by herself. She supposed, anyway.

This wasn’t to say she didn’t like Derrick. When she first met him, she had developed an incredible crush on him. And he’d broken her heart, of course, just like they all did. But instead of letting that ruin their friendship, as she normally would have, she learned not to take him seriously, not to let him lead her on with his constant flirting. She knew better now. Still, she was nervous – probably too nervous – about how she would react to being alone with him.

*         *         *

"Hiya." Derrick met Haley at the gate of the apartment complex. He was dressed all in black, just like always. He’d once told her that he liked being monochromatic. It made things easier, he’d said. Whatever. He was an artist; that excused it.

"Hey…" Haley smiled, a sort of half smile. She’d never really been to Derrick’s house before, except when her dad had dropped him off a few times. Before she’d gotten her license. She’d never been inside.

She followed Derrick past the pool and up the steps to his apartment. He threw the door open and gestured toward it. More of a "tada" gesture than a "go ahead" one. She looked at him for a minute, puzzled, before he let her follow him inside.

"Mom, Dad, this is Haley."

Haley had barely noticed the two figures sitting on the couch. Except for the blue, luminescent glow of the TV, the whole apartment seemed to be dark. The figures turned now to look at her, size her up.

"Hello, Haley."

"Nice to meet you, Haley."

"Nice to meet you." Should she curtsey?, she wondered.

The shapes turned back to their program. She was saved.

*         *         *

"Guess what? I have a girl on my lap!" Derrick was in a chat room with some of his friends. Haley was, as he had just typed, perched awkwardly on his lap. He had all but insisted that she sit there. They were waiting to see if his parents would give up the TV soon. They wanted to watch a video.

"Yeah Derrick!

"Oooh… Derrick’s got a girlfriend!"

"Hi Girl on Derrick’s Lap!"

Haley laughed. Next time she needed a screen name, she would make it "Girl on Derrick’s Lap." It had a nice ring to it.

Derrick was laughing too, and frantically trying to answer his friends – telling them to shut up and explaining she wasn’t his girlfriend, Haley guessed. She was seated at an odd angle, and wasn’t really looking at the screen anymore. Derrick reached around her waist and pulled her in closer to him so the keyboard was more comfortably accessible. When he was done typing, he put his hands under her shirt, resting on her stomach.

Haley was used to this. She knew it didn’t mean anything; it was just the way Derrick was. Still, she was feeling more comfortable, now that she’d been quasi-introduced to his online friends, so she decided to play along.

"What are you doing?"

"My hands are cold."

"Oh, of course… Don’t you have any gloves?"

"Sure. Why, you’d prefer I do this with gloves on?"

Rolling her eyes, Haley pushed his hands away. A few seconds later, they had made their way back under her shirt, now resting on her breasts. She was really surprised that she didn’t feel violated. And that she didn’t attach any stupid romantic meanings to his actions. He was joking around, trying to be cute so he could do this without her being nervous. She knew what his motives were. She didn’t really care, that’s all. She decided to joke back.

"You’re gonna stretch my top out." She feigned complaint. Her top was a $4.99 black tank top she’d gotten at Target. Their definition of lingerie, she guessed.

"Take it off, then. I’ll take off mine."

This proposal sounded way too much like something a four-year-old would say while playing "doctor." Haley wriggled her way out of Derrick’s hold and off his lap. She sat down on the floor. Derrick, realizing he’d lost his form of entertainment for the moment, tried to find a substitute for Haley’s chest.

"Wanna watch the anime I just downloaded?"

"Um… okay…" He was such a dork.

Derrick put searched through his unmarked CDs, putting almost every one into the computer until he found what he was looking for. He quickly became engaged in his Japanese cartoons, but as Haley didn’t have her glasses on, she couldn’t read the subtitles from her spot on the floor, and she soon got bored. With a sigh of exasperation, (and, she had to admit, a little tingle of excitement), she got up and repositioned herself on Derrick’s lap.

"Back for more?" Haley glanced at him. His small white teeth were displayed in a mischievous grin. She concealed her own smile.

"Oh, quiet, you," she said. "I just want to be able to see the screen."

"Sure you do." His hands were under her shirt again. Well, not really. They would’ve been, had he not just pulled her shirt up around her neck.

They continued watching the cartoons, though Derrick seemed far more entertained by them than Haley was. Her concentration remained on the open bedroom door, which she finally tapped shut with the toe of her worn-in Doc Marten.

*         *         *

"What are you doing? Yes, they are in there! And they’re mine!" Haley was shocked. Derrick had finally caught her off guard by conspicuously peeking into her bra.

"I know… Can’t I just look at them, please?"

"Why? They’re not that great. They’re just useless mounds of flesh." Haley thought about what she’d said, then corrected herself. "Well, not completely useless. I’ve heard they’re good for feeding children." She turned for a second to smile at him, clamping her tongue between her teeth and sticking it out a little.

"They are that great to me, because I don’t have any!"

"Well… I don’t like them."

"Why not? Come on, Haley. The female body is one of… no, the most beautiful thing ever created. And being that you’re female, and you have a body…" He squeezed her arm playfully. In light of his usual lack of seriousness, that had been a really nice thing for him to say. How could she say no?

*         *         *

"They really are quite beautiful," Derrick said. It must’ve been the fifth or sixth time he’d said it, but Haley still couldn’t get over the word. Beautiful. Like her body was art. And that someone as talented as Derrick could be impressed by it, appreciate it like that… Wow.

"Thank you."

Her bra was on the desk in front of them. The computer continued babbling in Japanese behind her. She was still on his lap, facing him now, but not straddling him. Christ, she wasn’t a whore!

He wasn’t just looking at them anymore, like he at first had been – though he had just taken her by the shoulders and held her away from him in order to comment on their beauty. No, he was touching her. She clutched at the collar of his shirt as she breathed him in, a mixture of sweat, deodorant, and hair gel… Boy smell. He pressed his face into her neck and butterfly kissed her cheeks while he felt her up. "Felt her up" – it sounded so dirty! It wasn’t dirty though, she told herself; it was innocent experimenting.

"Boo." Derrick had brought his face up to hers until their noses were touching. Haley stuck her tongue out at him, then smiled nervously and turned her head, just to be safe. She didn’t think he would kiss her, but she knew she wouldn’t let him. That would have taken the night to a whole new level. She didn’t want it to be like that. She didn’t want it to become personal.

*         *         *

"Oh my God. What time is it?" The anime had ended. Haley was sure she’d missed her midnight curfew. Derrick squinted over her bare shoulder at the computer screen.

"12:20ish… Does it matter?"

"Yes! My dad is going to kill me! Derrick, I have to go now."

"But I’m enjoying myself!" Derrick whined, pulling her body closer to his. "Yeah, I’ll bet you are."

"And I’m enjoying you!" Haley couldn’t help but smile at this. Even in such an intimate moment, he was the same old Derrick. She almost let herself be won over again, before she remembered her already-broken curfew.

"I’m sorry. I’m enjoying this too, but I really do have to go." She got up from Derrick’s lap rather harshly, fighting her own desire to stay. What was the worst that could happen if she didn’t come home that night?, she asked herself. Unfortunately, "herself" had too many good answers. She struggled to get back into her tank top, stuffed her bra into her purse, and without so much as hugging Derrick goodbye, was out the door.

*         *         *

Alone in her car, Haley began to analyze the situation. It wasn’t so much what had happened as the way she’d reacted to it that perplexed her. For one thing, she was glad Sarah had refused to come with her. Sure, it had turned out to be a strange night. Usually doing something like that would’ve led to her falling in love with the guy. But this time…

She glanced over at her purse, which she had carelessly flung into the passenger’s seat, and almost laughed out loud. She knew it didn’t mean anything; it was just the way Derrick was.

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