We were on our way home after the movie. Julie was the only one of the four of us who had a car, so we were grateful that she didn’t find it too much of a hassle to drive us around, especially since we didn’t know each other all that well. Sure, we all lived in the same complex and we were all in the same youth group, but I’d just met everyone when I’d moved from across town a few weeks before, and from what I could tell, the others weren’t much better off. It was Barbara who had suggested we go to a movie together; she was a year older than the rest of us and seemed to really like the idea of promoting unity. This wasn’t the first incident of her trying to organize a group outing.

"So what did everyone think of the movie?" Barbara asked in her sugary, high-pitched voice. Her thin blond ponytail flipped behind her head as she turned to face Kerry and me in the back seat.

"Ben Affleck is so hot!" Kerry gushed. "But I don’t see why he’s paying those stylists so much. His hair looked stupid the whole time. And he’s got some major eyebrow action going on!"

"Oh, I love eyebrows!" Julie said. "I love unibrows especially; I wish Tom had one!" Tom was Julie’s boyfriend, I knew that much.

"I don’t know about the whole eyebrow thing," Barbara said, making a face. "What I really noticed was his broad shoulders."

There was a lull in the conversation. They were waiting for me to speak. This happened often. I tried to keep my mouth shut around them because I knew that they were much more serious about the whole religion thing than I was. I felt kind of bad hanging out with them, even in youth group, as though at any moment I could say something that would corrupt their minds.

"What did you think of the movie, Gina?" I could feel Kerry and Barbara both watching me, anticipating some critique of Ben Affleck’s appearance.

"Chick-flick." I delivered my blunt judgment. "The gay guy was its only saving element. He deserves an Oscar: ‘Best Supporting Actor Who Made Up for the Suckiness of the Rest of the Movie.’" I grinned, hoping they wouldn’t be offended. Apparently, they weren’t. There was a brief interlude of laughter.

"Wait, why didn’t you like the movie, Gina?" Barbara interrupted.

"There was too much kissing," I said. What I meant was that there was too much kissing early on in the movie, therefore making it less powerful when the couple finally got together at the end. All the critical review skills I’d been learning in my journalism class were perfect in my head but failing me outloud.

"You don’t like kissing?" Julie asked, staring at me in the rearview mirror.

"No, kissing is great; it’s just that watching it for two hours straight gets kind of annoying…"

"I’ve never been kissed," Kerry said. I shot a glance at her, but she appeared to be serious.

"Why not?" I asked. She was a cute enough girl, with dark eyes and thick hair. When she talked (which she did, endlessly, but not in a way that made her obnoxious), there was a slight inflection in her voice, possibly something she’d picked up from friends or family who had accents. She wasn’t unkissable, I decided.

"I don’t know. I just haven’t had my first kiss yet. It’s probably because I’m shy around guys, believe it or not. And I figure since it’s been this long, I might as well wait for someone worth kissing. We’ll see what happens though."

"Fair enough." I shrugged.

"But a few weeks ago," Kerry started up again, "when I was visiting my friend Melissa in San Diego, we went to one of those 16-and-older clubs. And there was this guy who kept dancing with me, and he was kind of cute, and Melissa was like ‘Oooh, Kerry, getting your groove on with that guy!’ But I wasn’t doing anything more than dancing. And he was getting all into it, like pressing up against me and practically freaking me, and I didn’t even know him. So that made me kinda nervous."

"Yeah, you want to be careful about things like that. You don’t want to let people devalue your body," Barbara said. I was beginning to think that she felt she had to lecture us, since she was the oldest.

"What, have you never kissed anyone either?" I asked. She hadn’t said anything that would give me grounds for jumping to such a conclusion, but it certainly didn’t seem unlikely.

"No, I have. I had a pretty serious boyfriend a couple years ago."

"Oh, really? Do you mind my asking what happened?"

"No, not at all. We broke up once I could admit to myself how unhappy I was with the way our relationship was going."

"Did he treat you badly?" Julie asked.

"No, but I should have gone into it expecting more. I should’ve realized that once I set my standards for the relationship, I couldn’t exactly raise them later. So after we’d been going out for a while and I decided I deserved a better relationship than the one we had, I couldn’t exactly ask him to change. Because as far as he knew, he wasn’t doing anything wrong."

She had a point, despite her analytical view of her past. How many self-esteem books had she been reading?, I wondered.

"I learned a lot from the experience though," Barbara continued. "About valuing myself and my body. We went pretty far pretty fast, and I definitely regretted it. But God forgave me, and I won’t make the same mistakes in the future."

"So you had sex with him?" I was the only one forward enough to ask, but I was sure I wasn’t the only one wanting to know.

"No… well, not intercourse. But you shouldn’t think that your virginity is the only thing worth saving for your future husband. Just because you’re a technical virgin on your wedding night doesn’t mean you’ve really saved yourself."

"That’s why Tom and I haven’t kissed," Julie said. "Because every part of my body is valuable, even my lips. And if I’m going to give part of myself to someone, it’s only going to be once I know he recognizes what a precious gift it is and commits to me."

"Wait, back up. You haven’t kissed? How long have you been dating for?"

"Four years. We’ve been courting for two."

"You’ve been dating for four years and you’ve never kissed?" I seemed to be the only one shocked by this news; Kerry and Barbara were surprisingly quiet. Maybe Julie’d told them this before, but still… "Never?"

"Never." She was laughing at my reaction. Julie had this incredible loud and continuous laugh. When I first met her, I’d thought it was strange, how loudly she laughed, and how often, but I was used to it now.

"Not even on the cheek?"

"No. Well, we tried kissing on the cheek once, but that led to kissing on the neck and shoulders… and we weren’t ready to go that far. We do other stuff though."

"Ooooh… other stuff like what?" I asked, suddenly understanding, but slightly confused by the idea of skipping first base and running straight to the others.

"Like hugging, which leads to holding." This girl was amazing.

"Do you want to kiss him?"

"Of course I want to kiss him! I want to have sex with him! But we’re not going to until we get married, which will probably happen within the next two years or so. Until then, we have a great spiritual relationship that I couldn’t be happier with, and we’re going to keep praying about it, to make sure that this is what God wants for our lives. I’m not saying that this is for everyone, but I really think it’s what He wants for me."

I was noticing a huge similarity between my companions: they all seemed to have things pretty well figured out for themselves. I felt somehow defeated, though I hadn’t really been arguing with anyone.

"So you’ve never kissed anyone either?" I asked Julie feebly.

"No, I have. When I was like 13 or 14, I used to kiss lots of boys – I even french kissed one or two of them. But it made me feel cheap."

"What about you, Gina?" Kerry asked.

"What about me what?"

"What’s your kissing story?"

"Kissing story? There’s more than one story…"

"Wow. How many guys have you kissed?"

"Not that many!" I was quick to defend. "Thirteen guys, and…" I counted on my fingers. "Six girls."

"You’ve kissed girls?!" Julie exclaimed.

"Why?" Barbara asked. It was my turn to shock them. I was no longer worried about corrupting their minds. In some twisted way, I wanted to get back at them. I could feel the smirk pulling at the corners of my mouth, but tried to conceal it.

"For dares and stuff. You’d be amazed how much guys will pay to see two girls kiss each other… they’ll give you money, buy you food, wait on you hand and foot… it’s actually kind of pathetic. And then this one time, I decided I wanted to kiss a gay guy, a straight guy, a straight girl, and a lesbian all in one night. So I got some of my friends together and I did it. The gay guy was the best kisser, and the straight girl was the worst. Go figure."

"Why did you want to do that?" Kerry asked.

"Just to be able to say that I had. It wasn’t a big deal, really. It was just kissing."

"How come you don’t think kissing is a big deal?" Barbara asked gently. They weren’t as horrified as I’d hoped they would be.

"Well, it can be a big deal. But not if both people know it doesn’t mean anything. Then it’s just for fun."

"Don’t you think kissing should mean something though?" Julie’s voice came from the front of the car as I stared out the window, realizing how stupid my views must sound to them. They were so secure in what they wanted, and though I didn’t necessarily agree with everything they’d said that night, I was envious of their self-confidence. I was saved from having to think of a decent response, though; we were pulling into the complex even as she spoke.

"Have a good weekend, Gina!" Barbara said as I climbed out of the car.

"Yeah, don’t go kissing any more girls or gay guys or anything!" Kerry teased.

I smiled. They hadn’t been challenging me; they were curious, just as I was curious about them. I could tell that despite our obvious differences, we were going to be great friends.

"Okay, okay, you guys. I promise I’ll be good!" I called to the headlights that were slowly backing away.